How Past Relationship Baggage Can Sabotage A Truly Loving Connection…

- By Michelle Therese

For many of us at some time in our life we will experience that fated magical alignment with someone that is vitally important to our healing journey. That perfect person for us, that just out of nowhere walks into our life and has the very best of intentions for building a really strong relationship with us. Sadly though, if we are still lugging around a big suitcase of unresolved feelings and emotions from past romantic connections, we just wont be in a place to receive their love. Our past unhealed trauma causes us to self sabotage what could be an amazing soulful connection with another person. Most times the relationship wont even get off the ground before it all comes crashing down. We begin to project our pain onto the other person. We do this by looking for evidence that the new person is going to treat us the same as the past person did. Our stormy past intimate relationships and memories of agonising endings can either keep us stuck or we can choose to take a leap of faith and trust that this new person has been placed on our path for a reason.

So now you have this wonderfully promising partner standing in front of you wanting to love you. Are you going to start projecting your past pain onto them? Or are you going to catch yourself in order to accept the healing and growth your soul can potentially experience through your new soulmate connection? Perfect, I knew you would choose the latter! In this blog post I am going to help you develop awareness around self sabotaging behaviour, why it may be happening and give you tips on how to navigate your way through your new connection if you already sense its going off the rails…

How Do I Recognise If I am Sabotaging My New Connection?

You may find yourself acting out some of these behavioural traits listed below,

• Defensivness

• Apprehension

• Avoidance

• Repelling or rejection of the connection

• Making excuses to leave the connection

• Bombarding the new person with questions and digging around for proof that the new person is the same as the past person

• Instigating arguments and blaming

• Shutting down emotionally and withdrawal

Why Would I Sabotage My Beautiful New Connection?

Its hard to believe that we would sabotage a beautiful connection but the reason why we do this is because we are still carrying subconscious wounding from past romantic connections and/or a core wound that may be deeply rooted in childhood. You may find yourself being faced with some of these challenges listed below,

• Fear

• Low Self Esteem

• Fear of rejection

• Trust issues

• Fear of Abandonment

• Fear of getting hurt

• Fear of intimacy

How Do I Navigate Self Sabotage In My New Connection?

Follow these five steps in order to view yourself from a higher perspective, heal and do damage control on your new connection.

1. Accept that you are the one creating instability in the connection. This is a big realisation and one that is often hard to reach. But once radical acceptance is achieved, you can stop blaming and projecting and start to do the inner work.

2. Observe yourself when you are connecting instead of focusing on your partner. Imagine yourself looking in at yourself and witnessing all the ways in which you are self sabotaging the relationship. There will always be things that your partner does to contribute to your behaviour but it is important to understand that relationships are in our lives to heal us. Its always about learning and spiritually evolving.

3. Isolate yourself from the connection for a short period of time to connect with yourself in order to resolve any past trauma that is still unhealed. These realisations will have been made from observing yourself, you will be able to determine where you may be projecting onto your new partner. Journal write about your thoughts and feelings. You may like to ponder on these questions,

• Who or what from the past is making me behave the way I do in this current connection?

• Is my new partner giving me any reason to doubt their authenticity in this connection?

• What changes to my patterns of behaviour or my thoughts can I make moving forward?

*If you are struggling in terms of doing this inner work solo, please seek professional help.

4. Communicate come together with your partner to speak about the realisations you have made. Help them to understand where you are at, so as they can work with you to make you feel safe in the connection. If you are truly in a loving connection your partner will want to invest in your healing process.

5. Keep Communicating communication is very important in relationships, so keep the lines of communication open at all times. This allows the connection to deepen and also helps to cultivate more vulnerability which enables you both to become more equipped to hold the space for one another.

Best of luck with your healing, have faith, the past doesn’t have to repeat itself!

Love Always,

Michelle Therese xo