The Degree In Which You Love Yourself Determines The Quality Of Your Intimate Relationships…

- By Michelle Therese

Are you finding that a repetitive pattern seems to be playing out in your love life? Whereby you end one painful relationship to only end up doing the same toxic dance with yet another partner. The energy of the connection is eerily similar, just another soul in a different skin suit playing out the same drama of a past relationship. This is because we attract that of our own vibrational frequency. Like attracts like, right? So if you are constantly attracting in soulmates that have a lack of respect, don’t value you, abandon you, are not compassionate to your needs or desires, have trouble committing and continue to love bomb you, but have no follow through. Then chances are you yourself may have some inner work to do pertaining to the way in which you love yourself. The quality of the love relationships we magnetise to us are ultimately a great tool to inform us of where we are on the path to self love. Relationships contrary to popular belief are not so much about the other person they are more so about provoking ‘individual’ spiritual evolution and the development of the relationship you have with yourself first and foremost. So if you are ready to get off the merry go round of toxic relationships for good, this blog post is for you! I am going to help you become consciously aware of why you are attracting in the soulmates you do, change your energy frequency by cultivating more self love and give you 12 helpful tips to stay in and protect your newly found self love energy…

Why am I attracting soulmates that are unable or unwilling to love me the way I want or deserve to be loved?

The reason why we attract romantic soulmates to us that are unable or unwilling to love us is because most times we have trouble loving ourselves and are unwilling to put ourselves first. These types of soul connections manifest in our lives to mirror back to us all the ways in which we are neglecting the self. These types of karmic connections are very healing, although we may not see that at the time of being treated so negatively. Instead we may be harbouring feelings of anger which causes us to project blame onto the other person for hurting us. The pain we experience by engaging in such a connection gives us the opportunity to heal and work towards loving and protecting ourselves more, so as we don’t experience the same hurt again.

This following exercise will help you see the bigger picture of your relationships. We will do this by looking at the external energy of the connection brought in by your current or past soulmates and how that energy may be reflecting your internal energy frequency. This will help you make an assessment of where you are on the journey of self love. Take out your journal, focus on the reoccurring themes within current or past connections. Answer the following question,

What themes seem to reoccur in my intimate connections?

Eg.

1. Lack of respect

2. Fail to see my value

3. Ghosting

4. No compassion for my needs and desires

5. Commitment issues

6. Love bombing, with no follow through

   
   

Once your reflection is done and you have made your list, try shifting your focus from an outward perspective, inward, to the self. Do this by placing the themes into questions you will now ask yourself. Try to really be present with yourself and come up with as many ‘ways’ as you can for each question.

I will use my above themes to give you an example of how this may be done.

Eg.

1. In what ways do I disrespect myself?

• I always catch myself in negative self talk and criticise myself often.

2. In what ways do I fail to see my value?

• I find myself needing external validation to prove my value.

3. In what ways do I abandon myself?

• I find myself putting my partners needs first in relationships, therefore sacrificing my own needs and desires.

4. In what ways am I not compassionate to my needs and desires?

• I often find myself confusing self care for selfishness and therefore don’t attend to my needs and aspirations.

5. In what ways do I fail to commit to myself?

• I often find myself getting distracted, enmeshed or find it hard to keep a sense of independence in relationship and therefore have trouble committing to myself and my own path.

6. In what ways do I fail to follow through on loving myself more?

• I often make promises to myself that I am going to love myself more, but never follow through, because somewhere within me I believe that I am not worthy of giving to myself or not important.

If you find after reflecting on these questions that your internal energy is mirroring the external soulmate energy, don’t be disheartened. It’s actually very positive. You have now become consciously aware of your patterns. The information you have gathered from this exercise gives you the power to heal and turn up the heat on loving yourself more by working on these areas.

What Can I Do To Cultivate More Self Love?

So now you have done the healing work and you also now understand from the previous exercise that the external soulmate energy is a direct reflection of your inner world. Next we need to elevate your frequency or ‘flip the script’ by cultivating more self love and essentially become a mirror for the love you wish to attract. We do this by working on the areas that you have found to be problematic when it comes to the way in which you love on yourself. The easiest way of doing this is to make a list of qualities or personality traits you would like your next soulmate to embody and then think of ways you could give those things to yourself rather than receiving from an external entity.

Eg.

• I want someone committed and stable - Cultivate commitment and stability by committing to yourself, your divine assignment, living out your greatest destiny and purpose. Working your purpose creates financial stability, passion and emotional wellbeing. Commit to becoming the most empowered version of yourself.

• I want someone to love and nurture me - Cultivate love and nurture yourself by taking the time to look in the mirror and speak words of love and kindness to yourself. Go get a massage, pamper yourself, take a bath, nourish yourself with good food, get creative, meditate, activate your spiritual side by connecting with your spiritual team who are incidentally always by your side loving you.

• I want someone to love me unconditionally - Love yourself even in the times where you may f*ck up. Forgive yourself and let yourself know its ok to be flawed. You are perfectly imperfect.

• I want someone who is emotionally available - Then be more loving to self and everyone else you come into contact with. Be open and receptive so as love knows where to come find you.

• I want someone funny - Then engage in fun activities, laugh and even find pleasure in laughing at your own quirks and uniqueness.

• I want someone understanding - Then take the time to work on yourself and understand yourself and what makes you tick. If you don’t know yourself then how is someone else supposed to understand who you are and how to be available to the depth of your desired empathy.

• I want someone who respects and values me - Respect and value yourself and your energy by only giving to reciprocal connections. Whereby you engage with others that see the worth of you being in their lives, value you and return an even exchange of energy in order for you to feel nourished in the connection to.

• I want someone who loves spending quality time with me - Then practice intentional solitude. Set aside time to be joyous in your independence. Remember the universe can only mirror your vibration. So if you are miserable when spending time with yourself and always need outside stimulation get ready for a soulmate to reflect that back.
  

12 Tips To Stay In Self Love Energy

The journey of getting to a place of self love is not an overnight occurrence its a process. So whilst you are healing your patterns and cultivating self love you need to make sure you stay in and protect your new elevating frequency. Be sure to follow these helpful tips!

1. Work on your chakra’s! Particularly your Heart and Solar Plexus. You can do this through meditation or scheduling a healing session with an Energy Therapist. This will help to keep these chakra centre's balanced and enhance your ability to love yourself in a more compassionate and empathetic way. It will also elevate your confidence and self esteem.

2. Place a picture of you when you were a child in a place where you will see it everyday, and speak words of praise, love and kindness to that adorable child.

3. Prioritise yourself.

4. Don’t be afraid to say ‘No’ to anyone or anything that doesn’t align with your future vision or path.

5. Practise positive self talk.

6. Be assertive.

7. Create strong boundaries with anything or anyone that is not feeding you positive, loving energy. This will protect your new work in progress frequency.

8. Trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself.

9. Don’t be afraid to let go of toxic people.

10. Practice gratitude! Every night take out your journal and write down the things you are grateful for that happened over the course of the day. People, places or things.

11. Practice self care.

12. Pay attention to your dreams and keep moving towards them.

    
    

Life here on planet earth as a human being is all about engaging with the self first in a healthy way. That being spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. But most importantly falling in love with yourself and giving yourself all the love and attention you would give to a potential partner before you even contemplate adding another person to the mix. When we work on ourselves we heal our patterns, change our energy frequency, recognise our own self worth and become the master of our own inner world. That is the precise moment by some divine serendipity, the universe reflects the love we've cultivated for ourselves through the presence of a higher level soulmate, one who mirrors our inner wholeness back to us.

Best of luck with your healing!

Love Always,

Michelle Therese xo